Friday, January 7, 2011

The Friendship Equation

Over the years, I have attempted to write on a daily basis and begun several blogs. Not sure why I did. I guess I felt I had ideas that people would want to read about. That's true of any blogger. They have ideas, thoughts, insights and each one feels they are worth reading. Some are. Some are very good and they'll never be published or turned into an HBO sitcom. Some have a story that is worth hearing over and over again; but you won't ever see it on the big screen. Some bloggers are well worth the time. Me, perhaps I'm worth a read. I do not think that matters much. It's what the blogsphere allows.

There is a lot of criticism surrounding the internet and I've been known to be a critic myself. The internet has affected our culture in many ways, both good and bad. We have access to information almost immediately. Print is being traded for digital. Everyone has a chance to be an author or reality star. At times, our senses are so overloaded that we are unable to process through everything. What used to be a hidden hurried society has become a very publicized hurried society. Of course the internet has brought forth the ability to social network, raising the question, "Can one have a meaningful relationship with someone via the social network?"

There are several schools of thought on the question and I know I have an opinion especially concerning long distance dating when you never see the person or have never met the person. But we're not talking about love connections. I'm speaking directly to the idea of building a meaningful friendship or community via the internet. Is it possible? Some say yes, some say no.
A while back, I did some a Facebook cleanse. I started to go through my list of 400+ friends and as I reached each one I had to make a decision on who I should delete and who I should keep. I have a friend who doesn't unfriend people on Facebook. It's one of his rules. It's a good rule; his other rule is that he does a long discernment process on which requests to accept. My rule is that I'll accept any request if I can conjure up some type of memory of you or you know someone I know. I, however, do not have a second rule about deleting friends.

As I was saying, I went through and began to delete people who I never talk to or who I do not have a relationship with. To my surprise, I could only delete three people. I know I could have probably deleted more but for almost everyone, I have some type of shared memory with them or since becoming Facebook friends, we have developed a relationship through this social network.

Friendship is not always about being able to spend time with one another. Friendship is different than a marriage in which being together every now and then is a requirement for a somewhat healthy marriage. Friendship though, it seems, can function in a healthy manner without two people ever meeting. Several years ago I came across several people in the blogsphere, all were connected together in different manners. I befriend Milton through Tim Youmans, through Milton I befriended Beth. I befriended Terry who has become a Friar. We are all connected even though we've never met (except I've met Tim, I know (like know know (not in the biblical sense)) Tim and Tim is awesome). We're all connected together through little fibers that connect us. It's amazing.

In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Lucy looks down into the sea and catches a glimpse of people living underneath the sea. She stares and a few stare back, one in particular is a Sea Herder. This Sea Herder is a girl about Lucy's age. They stare at one another, smile, and for a moment they are connected. No names are shared. No conversation takes places. Lewis simply writes, "They will met in another world, and when they do, they will see each other and embrace." I mentioned my friend Beth. If you have a moment go to bethbrawly.com and read her journey, it's worth the read. Beth has an amazing story filled with struggle, grace, mercy, love, and the proof of God's unending love. I've never met Beth. We've talked on the phone once. But I believe one day we will meet and we will embrace and talk as old friends. I believe that.

I believe that for many of us on Facebook, we will not ever see each other face to face. We might but maybe just a 1/5 of us will. It's not impossible but it is most unlikely. Yet I believe that one day we will see one another and when we do we will embrace and talk like old friends.

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