Lenten Journal: For Peace. For Peace.

Every Thursday, I meet with a church member who is on and off hospice. We sit in her bedroom and talk. We've talked about her illness. We've talked about her life. We've talked about her marriage. We've talked about her childhood. We've talked about her struggles. We've talked about death. Our talks are mostly her talking and me listening. As it should be.

Lately, we've begun to read through the Gospel of Mark at her request. Normally, I get uncomfortable when others want to read the bible with me because we all bring our interpretations into the reading. There is rarely a time a pastor can simply read the bible as a story and not look for the next sermon illustration or exegetical exercise. I have been thoroughly surprised with our time together. We read a chapter at a time and then I simply ask her what her thoughts are and her thoughts are truly magically refreshing.

This past Thursday we read Mark 4 and I was surprised to watch as she found such theological unknowns in the story. As she reflected on the text, I began to ask if she felt she was in the storm and if she felt she was a seed growing amongst the rocks. Tears began to fill her eyes as she wrestled with it out loud, “It seems Jesus is being an ass. He is sleeping and then nonchalantly gets up and calms the sea and then asks why they have no faith. The sower scattered the seed seemed careless in the scattering.”

We wrestled with the uncomfortableness of Jesus sleeping while others panicked and the uncomfortableness of the sower's carelessness. As we pried away the text, the beauty of her soul's greatest weary is the storm of illness that will one day take her life. The storm of 24 hour care. The storm of being told one day you have 3 months to live. The storm of being told you're not dying anymore. The storm of no longer sleeping in the same bed as your husband because of the machines you are plugged into. The storm of a marriage that is crumbling under the sickness. The storm of uncertainty. All because of an illness she was born with.

As our time came to a close I asked what I could pray for specifically. Instead of getting a laundry list I was given one word: peace.

Pray for peace.

And I did.

Have you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Isaiah 40:28-29