Lenten Journal: Remembering Wanting

I originally sat down this afternoon on my lunch break to write about something I had on my mind. As with most things on my mind, I lost my thought as soon as I sat down behind this laptop.

There is a lot to ponder in this great big world. There are a lot problems that need to be addressed and handled. There is a lot do in between thinking times. Life moves fast and if you don't slow down once in awhile you'll miss it, as Ferris once said. Only if I could remember why it is I sat down to write in the first place. Only if I could remember what brought me to this page and to this website. Only if I could remember why.

The why matters, right? It matters why a person does something, right? I mean, Hawaii Five-O never ends without McGarrett or Dano asking the villain why. So why have sat down to write here?

Maybe I try to hard.

Will you look at what I did there? I used the wrong "to". It should have been "too" not "to". Maybe I'm trying too hard.

I have that tendency.

I have the tendency to try too hard. I try to be overly poetic, spiritual, prophetic, academic, thoughtful, intelligent, or critical. I have this need to be lifted up. I have this need to be respected, liked, loved, admired, special.

You have that need too, don't you? (See, I used the right "too")

We all have this need to want something from those who are in our lives either physically, emotionally, spiritually, or whatever else "ally".

(Am I using the "" too much?)

We have this desire to be called special by friends and strangers alike. We have this desire to be prophetic and carry the torch of a cause so Jesus will love us more. We have this want and we seek to have it filled however we can.

I want to finish my sermon.

I want to be retweeted.

I want to be shared.

I want to be rid of my want.

Nouwen wrote, "When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth."

Perhaps then that is the purpose of Lent: to rid ourselves of our wants, to rid ourselves of the scoreboard.

Hmm...

I just remember what I wanted to write about.

Go figure.