What I Meant to Say

We know love this, that he laid down his life for us—and we out to lay down our lives for one another. How does God's love abide in anyone who has the world's goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses to help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. And by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him whenever our condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and God knows everything. 1John 3:16-20

That was our scripture passage for Sunday. I did something I normally do not do. I preached without notes or a manuscript. It wasn't very good. I was trying to speak from the heart but I struggle to find the words when I do. I was prepared but if I was grading me I would have thought I was unprepared. 

This passage in 1 John is a passage I believe speaks to the church. I believe it speaks to ministers and pastors. I believe it speaks to us as Christians. I believe it even speaks to those who do not claim a faith. To speak of love is to speak of something we have each known or long for. It is something that resonates with us. Something we hold dear and important. Love shapes and forms and sustains relationships. Love for a follower of Christ is vital, "No greater love has a person than laying down their life for their friends." Love is a big theme in all things related to John (the Gospel and Epistles). Love is all around John.

It was one of those weeks where the thoughts in my head wouldn't translate into words. What words did find themselves on the paper sounded worse than a middle school love poem. So, I read my books and reviews and went up to the pulpit with no notes to speak from the heart. I do not think I said what I meant to say.

Love is a popular topic among churches. It encompasses a wide range of specifics from open and affirming; to the poor; to the family; to the friend; to how the church functions and relates to one another. The truth is love is important to the church. The church's foundation is built on the love of Christ. The scriptures testify to the importance of love within the church and of the members. Being of one heart and soul means to love one another as Christ loved us. The greatest commandment is, "LOVE the Lord, God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And LOVE your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment than these."

Again, I am not even sure I'm saying what I mean to say.

Church is messy and complicated. It's hard to be in community with a group of people who are not exactly like you. It's hard to love people who you may not really know. It's hard to be a part of a church. Church is people. You cannot have it without people. You can attempt to do church on your own but even the Monks lived in community with one another in some form. People are complicated and at times frustrating. We're human. We're good people who try hard. We wake up every morning, go to work, come home and do the best we can each day with what we have and with what we are given. I minister to a community that does not have a lot. What they do have they've worked hard for. They're causalities of an economy designed to help only those who can afford it. Some struggle day to day to make ends meet. Others do not struggle as much; yet they all gather in this small sanctuary and do their best to love one another.

My biggest concern in ministry is not the people of the church but the ministers. My fear rests in the lack of love shown by ministers towards their congregations. I understand and know first hand how tough ministry can be and how hurtful some church experiences are (my wife and I were literally ran out of town once). When I get frustrated and want to throw in the towel I remember my ordination. I remember the hands that were laid on my head. I remember the people who prayed for me. I remember at the beginning of my name is Reverend. I remember my ordination because my ordination is my promise to the church. A promise to love them the best I knew how as Christ loved them. I love them with all their flaws and all their goodness because it is the same love Christ has continually showed to me. It is the love of Christ I try and fail at times to emulate because I am called to do so.

Still not sure I'm saying what I mean to say.

Love for a church and for our community is something we give. We give out of our love like the widow gave out of her poverty. We show love not in speech but in action because love demands action; love causes action. Love gives us 20 seconds of courage to change the life of a neighbor. Love is not easy. In his letter, Paul doesn't call love easy. He says that love is kind, patient, not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But love is never called easy.

It takes work to be in community with one another. It takes time and patience. It takes compassion, love, will, and hope to stay in community with one another. Church is hard. If church was easy then we would only have the gospels and parts of Acts. Church only works when we're together. Love only works when it is shared with others. By our love towards one another we show the world our gospel to be true.

I'm not saying what I mean to say.

I once told that is impossible to love everyone. It was impossible to feed, clothe, visit, care for everyone. It is impossible if I was trying to do that for everyone; but I'm not. I'm not trying to love the whole world. I'm trying to love my whole community. I'm trying to love my neighbor and help as he searches for a job. I'm trying to love my neighbor and care for her as she takes care of her sick mother. I'm trying to love the members of my congregation. I'm trying to love those who in area. I am not trying to save the world. I am trying to save my community.

It may be impossible to love everyone but it's not impossible to love those who are placed in my care. My ordination reminds me of that promise. The promise to love God with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength; and love my neighbor as myself. If I forget that promise, if I forget my ordination then I forget how to love.

I don't think I've said what I meant to say.