There is a crisis in our nation, well I
guess there are several, but the crisis I speak of is one I believe
to the most important, especially for the Church, and that is the
crisis of fatherlessness. 64.3 million is the estimated number of
fathers in America. Of those 64.3 million, 26.5 million are estimated
to be fathers who are a part of a married-couple families and 2.5
million are single fathers. Of that 2.5 million, 8% are raising more
than one child. Approximately 43% of US children live without their
father. The crisis of fatherlessness is something that is real and
has a greater impact on the social order than we can imagine. Here
are just a few staggering statistics:
- 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
- 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
- 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
- 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
- 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
- 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
- 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
- 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
- 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
- 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
- Fatherless boys and girls are twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]1
These statistics alone show us the
importance of being a father, of being a mentor, of men being a part
of the lives of young men and young women; yet, every Sunday, less
than 39% of the church population will consist of men. For whatever
reason, women continue to dominate the church population on a Sunday
morning; meaning roughly 60% of children attending church are
attending without their most influential male role model. Not only
are many, if not most, of our own children attending church without
their most influential male role model, many attend without their
most influential female role models, as well. Our youth and children
are learning that there is a disconnect between the importance of a
faith community and the importance of sleeping in; and when given the
choice, the majority chooses the latter. Our youth and children are
left to listen to the voices of the secular instead of the voices of
the Christian community; so they begin to starve themselves because
they don't feel skinny enough. They begin to sleep around because
they do not feel loved enough. They become addicted to alcohol and
drugs, all because they long to belong and the only acceptable crowd
they can fit in is one that will eventually steal their lives.
Fatherlessness is a Church issue and
the Church should claim it and work towards ending the crisis. The
Church cannot make men own their roles as fathers or husbands; but we
can provide for these children who are absent fathers, men who desire
to be encouragers, listening ears, spiritual guides, confidants,
friends, and a mentor. The crisis of fatherlessness in America is a
crisis that can only be solved through the work of the church, no
matter how many government or secular programs are created, if we as
men of the church, do not start taking our role as a spiritual leader
seriously, along side the women of our church, how can we expect
those who come after us to be any different? As the song goes, “The
cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon.”
The influence we have on others is
astounding. If this statistic is true: 15% of the time, when a mother
comes to the faith—the rest of the family will. 35%, when a child
comes to the faith—the rest of the family will. 90% of the time,
when the father comes to the faith—the rest of the family will;2
we hold a greater influence on the spiritual lives of our children
than women do; yet we are constantly denying our role or abandoning
our role for other important matters. A majority of men, when asked
why they are absent from church, will say it's because they work all
week and Sunday is their day of rest. They'll choose to sit in the
easy chair, watch sports, and nap; over napping in the pew. When
their children see this, they too will eventually take on the same
attitude towards the church and towards the family. Men, when our
children see us choosing work over family or time alone over time
with the family; they too will take on those same traits and another
generation of children will grow up without their father's active
participation in their lives.
When all they see is a gender who judge
their manhood on how many women they sleep with, how beers they can
handle, how many hours they can work before suffering a heart attack,
how many people they can beat up; when all they see is a gender who
care more about being tough and creating a false sense of manhood,
then how can expect we a better generation than the ones before us?
If we are not reaching out, if we are not seeking to be a friend, a
mentor, a listening ear, a presence to this fatherless generation,
how do we expect build up young men and young women in confidence,
love, and know their self-worth as one who is beloved by a heavenly
God, who breathed his own spirit in us to give us life?
I believe, our best example of
fathering the fatherless generation is that of Joseph, the adoptive
father of Jesus. I believe he is the most overlooked and under
appreciated character in the Bible. Remember, it is Joseph who
secures the link between David and Jesus in Matthew 1. It is to
Joseph that the dream comes to; it is to Joseph who God is commanding
to marry Mary. It is Joseph who has a decision to make. Mary is going
to have the child, she has no choice. God doesn’t give Mary an
option to be the mother of Jesus. God does give Joseph an option. In
his dream, God puts Joseph between the proverbial rock and a hard
place. Joseph is caught between the Law and God; caught between the
past and the future. Joseph has a choice to make.
We know nothing more about Joseph
except that he is a carpenter and a righteous man; that is all we are
given in Matthew's gospel. Yet, I offer an argument that Joseph plays
a greater role in shaping who Jesus is more than anyone else. If
Jesus grew up watching Joseph, playing with Joseph, following him
around, perhaps learning the carpenter trade, do we not think Jesus
learned what it meant to love others, to have compassion, to care for
the hurting, or what it means to be called by God for a special task,
from Joseph? It is not like Joseph was an absent father. It's not
like he denied marrying Mary after an angel visited him. It's not
like Joseph was not taking a risk in breaking the commandments of
Moses and marrying woman who was having another's child. If we are
going to look for an example of what it really means to be a father
to someone who is not our own, then Joseph is the best figure the
scriptures have to offer.
Should we not strive to train and equip
men to embrace the role of a “father” for children who are not
their own?
I was fortunate to grow up in a house
with a very active and very present father. My dad once left an
important conference and drove 200 miles to see me race because I
called and said, "I need you here." If I called him today
and said, "I need you here" he would drop every Mayoral
duty and drive the 27 hours in a heartbeat (so would my mom). I was
fortunate. But I know not everyone is. I have worked with youth and
children who have absent parents, specifically absent fathers. The
fathers may be present here and there but they are not involved in
their kid's life. Every time I play catch with a kid, or take them to
a movie, or listen as they share how another broke their heart, I
embrace a "father" role to kids who are not my own. That
was something my dad taught me by example.
This is indeed a church issue.
Fatherlessness is a church issue. The importance of men and women
being mentors to youth and children is a church issue. This is a holy
issue that belongs to the church and I believe we need to claim it.
The Church in America must embrace it's role in ending the crisis of
fatherlessness in America. We cannot remain silent.
If we wish to see a better generation,
if we wish to see a healthier generation, a more faithful generation,
a loving generation, a generation who seeks to love God and to know
they are loved as they are, then we need to look for ways to be
“fathers” to a fatherless generation. If we are to bear one
another's burdens, then this burden is one we must bear together.
I have stated this before I believe
this to be to true, it doesn't take much to be a “father.” It's
not about what material we have in Sunday school. It's not about
being like other churches. All it really takes is spending time with
our “kids” playing ball, going fishing; attentively listening as
they share about their hopes, their dreams, and their fears; actively
helping them in their times of need. It doesn't take much to end the
crisis of fatherlessness in America.
Will the church help in this matter?
Will you help in this matter? This is, above all, a Church issue.
1Statistics
taken from The Fatherless Generation website ttp://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress/statistics
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