Father's Day and Mother's Day become a really interesting time in my world. Since I am friends with mostly ministers, the discussion usually revolves around how to incorporate the day in a respectful worshipful manner or ignore it all together. The week of Mother's Day, my newsfeed is flooded with post after post on the importance of celebrating women in general and not just mothers. There are posts on the importance of remembering those who long to be mothers but are unable; those who have lost mothers, those who have no desire to be a mother but feel like their womanhood is questioned if they do not have children; or posts on how Mother's Day creates an image/ideal that no woman can fully live up to.
Post after post is shared and thoughts are shared on how to create a holistic worship service that appropriately integrates a secular holiday into a Christian worship service. Of course, you have those who ignore it all together, riding their high horse concerning the day, I'm one of those or at least I was.
We do not do anything crazy special for either Mother's or Father's Day, except to say a prayer honoring all men and women on the appropriate day. As I thought about the day and climbed down off my condescending high horse, I became convicted (good Christian word) about the importance of the two special days. They may have been created with secular intent (so was Christmas) but can the church not claim the day and turn them into holy days of celebration, remembrance, and the importance of being "mothers" and "fathers" to those longing for such in our community? I mean we were able to claim Christmas from the secular, at least claim enough to make it a holy day, to an extent.
A few years ago, I read a book by Donald Miller titled, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and in the book, Don writes about his experience meeting his dad for the first time since his dad left his mom when he was little. As he wrestled with the desire to meet his dad and his personal issues, he became inspired to start an organization called The Mentoring Project. He tells how the story came to him because he desperately wanted to talk the fatherlessness crisis in America, and he discovered his was not alone. (I invite you to explore The Mentoring Project here).
As I think on this upcoming Father's Day, the creation of TMP came into my mind because it serves as an example of what it means to take something secular and claim for it for the holy. Family is something that is holy and sacred and as we read the scriptures, while we get explicit commands of the roles of the parents and children, we get stories of dysfunctional families and we get stories of men and women taking on the role of mother or father to ones who are not their own.
Mother's Day and Father's Day should be holy days and the Church should claim them and create a worship service that embraces and honors the roles we men and women should embrace and play in the community. And I will over-step and say this, especially Father's Day.
I invite you to spend some time looking at different websites regarding the crisis of fatherlessness in America, and perhaps around the world. Here are a few startling statistics: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes; 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes; 85% of all children who show behavior disorders are from fatherless homes; 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes; 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
And that is just some of the statistics regarding the crisis of fatherlessness. I invite you to read more here.
Of the estimated 64.3 million number of fathers across America, 26.5 million are estimated to be fathers who are a part of married-couple families and 2.5 million are single fathers. And the statistics of how many single fathers are raising more than one child is 8% of the 2.5 million.
This is post is not about spilled milk or the lack of attention on Father's Day; nor is it about which day is more important. It is about, at least I believe, claiming these days for the Church, and the Church becoming more active in creating sacred space for all families and creating a scared space that provides adult mentors for young adults, adolescents, and children. Why should Boys & Girls Clubs or Boys/Girls Scouts have sole claim to these mentoring programs? Why can't the Church claim the day? How can the Church not lay claim to these days?
According to a survey in 2011, 39% of men attend church; which means roughly 60% of children are going to church without their most influential male role model. On any given Sunday, the odds that I am preaching or ministering to families who are there without the husband/father are almost 90%. Fatherlessness is a church issue and the church should claim it and work towards ending the crisis. The Church cannot make men own their roles as fathers or husbands; but we can provide for these children who are absent fathers, men who desire to be encouragers, listening ears, spiritual guides, confidants, friends, and a mentor.
The most overlooked, under appreciated character in the bible, I believe, is Joseph, the adoptive father of Jesus. We know nothing more about Joseph except that he is a carpenter and a righteous man; that is all we are given in Matthew's gospel. Yet, I offer an argument that Joseph plays a greater role in shaping who Jesus is than anyone else. If Jesus grew up watching Joseph, playing with Joseph, following him around, perhaps learning the carpenter trade, do we not think Jesus learned what it meant to love others, to have compassion, to care for the hurting, or what it means to be called by God for a special task, from Joseph? It is not like Joseph was an absent father. It's not like he denied marrying Mary after an angel visited him. It's not like Joseph was not taking a risk in breaking the commandments of Moses and marrying woman who was having another's child. If we are going to look for an example of what it really means to be a father to someone who is not our own, then Joseph is the best figure the scriptures have to offer.
Should we not strive to train and equip men to embrace the role of a "father" for children who are not their own?
I was fortunate to grow up in a house with a very active and very present father. My dad once left an important conference and drove 200 miles to see me race because I called and said, "I need you here." If I called him today and said, "I need you here" he would drop every Mayoral duty and drive the 27 hours in a heartbeat (so would my mom). I was fortunate. But I know not everyone is. I work with youth and children who have absent parents, specifically absent fathers. The fathers may be present here and there but they are not involved in their kid's life. Every time I teach a kid how to swing a bat, or throw a ball, or listen as they share how another broke their heart, I embrace a "father" role. That was something my dad taught me. This is a church issue.
A friend of mine, along with her husband, (and this shows the importance of mentors in the church, because we would not be where we are in a faith without them) recently became a foster parents and they specifically believe they are called to help families heal in times of brokeness. They provide a place where kids who are removed from their homes, can find healing and love. Even though I have never met Buck, I watch through social media, as he shows us how we can all help make a difference to kids who are not of our own genetics. The Baskins are just one of many examples of how the Church can impact this crisis. I invite you to read about their story here.
Fatherlessness is a church issue. The importance of men and women being mentors to children is a church issue. These are holy issues that belong to the church and I believe we need to set our high horses free and claim these two days as our days, creating them to be holy days in which we continually highlight the importance of having men and women in the Christian community. The Church in America must embrace it's role in ending the crisis of fatherlessness in America. We cannot remain silent.
Listed below are a few articles on the crisis of fatherlessness:
http://www.christiancentury.org/article/2011-10/why-do-men-stay-away
http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/
http://thementoringproject.org/
http://www.whychurch.org.uk/gendergap.php (It's a UK article but worth reading)
http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=336
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700137767/Fatherless-America-A-third-of-children-now-live-without-dad.html?pg=all
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