I rode my first roller coaster when I was 3. It was a loop d'loop at Six Flags Over Texas and the roller coaster was called the Shockwave. My dad stuffed newspaper in my shoes so I could be tall enough to ride it after begging to ride it.
I learned to ride my bike by crashing it into my yard and jumping off at the last second. I grew tired of the training wheels, had my mom/dad remove them, took my bike to the top of the hill and rode my bike, crashing into my yard.
There was a time I was not afraid.
As years go by and age gives way to security or wisdom, I find myself afraid. As I reflect on my fear, I have discovered my fear was with death. Not an eternal fear. I am at complete peace at what may take place on the otherside. It is the fear of being replaced
We build ourselves up to believe we're irreplaceable. In some circles we may not be as replaceable as we are in other circles; yet we are replaceable. If I were to die tomorrow, eventually I would be replaced. The church would find a new pastor, Lacy would find a new husband, Connor a new dad, my friends would find new friends, my in-laws would find a new son-in-law, my parents would shift their focus to Connor and my brother. Over time, my name will be forgotten.
On the surface one may see that as devaluing the self or self worth. I choose to see it as the truth. From dust I come and to dust I shall return.
What is it I am to learn/discover this Lenten season? I am not entirely sure. Perhaps though it starts with the admittance of a hidden fear.
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