The Urge to Turn Back: Don't Turn Around Bright Eyes

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According to my father I am the youngest person to ever ride the Shockwave roller-coaster at Six Flags Over Texas. I was three or four when I first rode it. We, Kendrick men, are roller-coaster men. We ride roller-coasters when we go to theme parks and we do so bravely and without fear. I remember when the Texas Giant opened at Six Flags Over Texas and the excitement around the roller-coaster. It was going to be the tallest and fastest wooden roller-coaster ever built. When it opened I remember standing in line to ride this behemoth of a ride and I remember the excitement I had when we first got into line.

It was at least a 45 minute wait to ride the Giant. I remember being excited the first few minutes and looking up from a far off distance at the towering ride and hearing the screams of joy from the other riders and the sound of the cars clanking to the top. With each clank and each scream I felt my heart leap with joy and exhilaration and I could not wait to get there. Then as we approached closer and closer and the steep grade became clearer and clearer, my excitement turned to dread. I slowly found myself getting nervous and fear crept up inside me. It is one thing to witness the ride from a distance than it is to see it up close. As we made our way up the stairs and into the our respective holding areas, I wanted to go back. As we approached the cars I no longer wanted to ride this roller-coaster. I wanted to turn back. I wanted to go back to where it was safe. I wanted to watch from the distance. I did not want to be this close. I did not want to experience the ride.

It was too risky of a ride. The incline was too steep and the drop was too high. What if the bolts did not hold up? What if the cars went too fast and flew off? What if I fall out of the seat? Slowly it felt as our turn came to climb into are cars. The choice was there: ride or step over the cars and exit the area?

Our scripture passage this morning reminds us of the urges to turn back. The Israelites are wandering the wilderness, on their way to the promise land. A few chapters before they experience the exodus from Egypt as they watched as Moses stretched his hand out over the sea and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind and they walked across on dry land. They witnessed the sea collapse in on the army of Pharaoh and drown them. They experienced songs of joy and freedom only to be met by harsh climates and terrains and rough roads. They cried out for food and the Lord provided for them. From the wilderness of Sin the whole congregation of the Israelites journeyed by stages. They camped at Rephidim but there was no water there. The people quarreled with Moses about the lack of water. They questioned him asking, “Why did you bring us out of Egypt, to kill us and our children with thirst?”

This is not the first time they questioned Moses nor would it be the last. The change that has taken place in their lives was once believed to be a great thing was now death. They had felt this way before. After celebrating their exodus, they discovered that the journey would not be easy. The saw the army of Pharaoh coming and cried out, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the very thing we told you in Egypt, “Let us alone and let us serve the Egyptians”? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” Their story had barely begun and they were ready to turn back. They preferred slavery and service to masters than they did to be a nation of God. They believed the exodus would make them into a powerful nation and when it did not come, when they felt conflict and struggle they desired to return as slaves. “It is better to shackled to the powers that be than to be free sons and daughters of the living God,” they thought.

Christians often criticize Israel during their wilderness wanderings. We struggle to relate to them, after all, we would not be so shallow or ignorant as they would if we had experienced such miracles. We would stay true to the Lord and not stray because we know better. We are not a sympathetic people to struggles of our ancestors even though we should. We are not that different than the Israelites. We are not as mature in our faith as we would like to think. We have more in common with the Israelites wanderings than we would like to admit. When it comes to the middle of our story we are the Israelites in every way and in every form.

The middle is the hardest part of any story. One of the reasons it takes me a year to finish a book is because of the middle. I get to the middle of the story and I put the book down because the middle seems to go on and on and the end is no longer in sight. The same may be said of our journey with God. We are drawn to a faith that holds a lot of promises, promises that are joyful and rewarding but when the journey gets difficult or we encounter conflict along the way we want to turn around and go back. We begin to long for a time when life was easy and everyone left their doors unlocked. We become nostalgic, like the Israelites, and become trapped in the past. No matter how many miracles the Lord does for us, we still long for another time that was or for a time that has yet to come. We long for something to come along and get us out of the middle.

The thing about a crossing is that it is hard; that is what makes the story of the kingdom of heaven worth being a part of. If our stories were meant to be easy than what need would we have for a creator? I often hear that this is not meant to be, that we were not meant to have struggles or conflict, that our journey was to be easy. I often hear that life became hard when Adam and Eve ate from the tree. I do not think that is true. I do not think life was easy for Adam or Eve when they were in the garden. When I read their story I still see conflict and struggle. I see Adam being given the task to name ever animal and thing under the sun. I see his struggle to find a companion and God creating until one is made that is of Adam's bones and flesh of his flesh. I see struggle in their story and I see what happens when we get stuck in the crossing of the middle. I see what happens when we long for what was or for what has yet to come.

But that is not the end of what I see. While I see banishment and exile and wandering, I see a God who remains faithful and provides. I see a God who has not forsaken or abandoned but walked along side the people. I see a God, when questioned by others, bring forth water from the rocks and bread from the skies. That is what I see. I see a God whose faithfulness is made true as we trudge through the middle on our way to the promise land. I see a God through whom life is being made new and whom shines the sun through the dark clouds.

If we wish to be a part of God's epic story then we are going to need the faith that moves mountains if we wish to get to the other side of the sea. We are going to have trust that water will spring from the rocks and food will fall from the skies. We are going to have to show a little faith and trust there is magic in this night. We are going to have keep moving, one step at a time, and hold on to the promise that God is our God and we are God's people. We must hold true for God will not forget the covenant made with Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, the covenant that was fulfilled in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Let us, this morning, break the bread and drink from the cup, trusting in God's saving deed. Let us this morning look to our ancestors of faith and remind ourselves of the water God provided when it was needed. Let us believe that the Lord is indeed among us.