Lifting In Love: It is Easier to Tear Down Than to Build Up

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

It's easier to tear something down than it is to build up. Building something or some one up takes time, energy, and patience. Tearing down only takes a good swing or one perfectly timed word. We struggle building one another up and sometimes we are too eager to tear someone down. Most of our wars, our arguments and fights were started because we chose to tear down instead of build up. It is easier to tear someone down than it is to build them up.

If I could make an observation about society as a whole I would say we live in an angry time, at least that is what I think: anger over the economy, lost jobs, struggles, life, schools, society, ourselves, religion, and politics. The angrier people get the meaner they become. Civility is no longer really a part of our society especially when it comes to politics, religion, and sports. It is easier, in our anger, to tear people down. It is easier in our anger to put people in their place forcefully. It is easier in our anger to let loose and let our enemies have it. We live with the mentality that you're either with “them” or your with “us” and if you're not with “us” then you are against “us.” We make those who think differently our enemies and at every corner we're looking for a chance to tear them a part.

Christians however have been called to be set apart. Our actions, our words are to be words and actions that build up and not tear down. We are called to imitate Christ in our actions and our words. It is hard for someone to see Jesus as the way when those who call themselves Christians rarely, if ever, truly imitate Christ. It is as hard to imitate Christ as it is hard to build up. We tend to look at Christ and think, “Well, he's God's son and I'm not so...” We sort of use God's grace as an excuse to act in a way that tears others down instead of build them up. We want God's grace but sometimes we're not willing to extend to it to others.

My missions professor in seminary, Dr. Caleb Oladipo, would respond to every student who answered a question, “Very good! That is a good answer.” and he would do this whether he agreed or disagreed. If he disagreed he would present a different argument but he never put them down or belittled them. His intent was always to build them up. He values the students in his class and values the people he comes into contact with. During our trip to Buenos Aries, Caleb became engaged in a serious conversation with one of the students about race issues in America. The student believed that if African Americans were to continue to marry others of a different race the African American culture would be lost. “If you put enough cream in coffee, it eventually stops being coffee,” she argued. Caleb, being an African native responded, “I disagree. It doesn't matter how much cream you put into coffee, it always be coffee. The sun will never set on the sons and daughters of Africa.” The conversation continued and the student became very heated but Caleb never once sought to put her in her place but showed us all how to treat others during a heated debate.

I marvel at the way Caleb accepted ever student who was in his class. He is grateful for their presence and grateful to have them. He always sought to build his students up and not tear them down and it's not often that a person with such prestige lifts their students up. He is just one example of what it means to build up in love. Just one example of what it means to be kind to another and tenderhearted. He is just one example of what it means to an imitator of Christ.

I have stated several times in the past few weeks that there needs to be room at our table for all of God's children, not just the ones we like or the ones who are in our circle. I believe this to be true. I believe in my heart of hearts that if Christians wish to change the world and honor God then we need to set a place at our table for those we may consider the “least of these.” If we can't, if we don't, if we're unwilling, then we forget the grace which has been given to us through Christ and the gospel we proclaim to be true loses its truth.

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear (4:29). Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God (4:31-5:2a).

Some may believe it is impossible to live by these words or that Paul means them to only be for how the Christian community deals with one another. To me that would be like saying the things Jesus said and preached were only for how his disciples were to treat each other. They are words that we are to live by not just in our churches but in the real world. We've been told a lie, a lie that says those who disagree with you, those who vote differently than you, those who are not just like you are the enemy. They are not. They are our neighbors. They are God's children as we are God's children.

Last week's Curtis comic strip comes to my mind.

For those not familiar with the comic strip: Curtis is an eleven year old African American boy from a blue collar family. He has a younger brother and the two do not see eye to eye, like a lot of siblings. His father works hard but they are barely able to make ends meet. Curtis has a crush on a rich girl and one of the local girls has a big crush on him. Anyway, in last week's Sunday strip, Curtis and his family were out at the park enjoying a picnic. Several homeless men gathered by the fence and Curtis' dad walks over with a plate of hamburgers for each of them. Curtis asks his dad, “What'd you do that for? Why'd you give 'em our burgers?” “People are people, Curtis.” he said.

People are people whether they believe in our Christ, worship in our church, members of our denomination or another, or whether they belong to another or belong to none. People are people and every person should be treated as we would want to be treated. I think Jesus came up with that. I think that's called the golden rule but Paul's instructions to the church go beyond just being polite, as Jesus goes beyond just being nice. No, these instructions are instructions that imitate Christ. They are instructions for us to become full imitators of Christ. And if we are imitators of Christ then our love must have no limits, our tables must have an open seat for the stranger, the outcast in whatever form they come in.

I am working on starting something new. Tell me what you think.

You have heard it said, “Love the sinner; hate the sin” but I say to you, “Love the sinner; forgive the sinner as you are loved and forgiven by Christ. For we are all sinners and we are all in need of a little tenderheartedness and a little grace and a little forgiveness.”

I think Paul's on to something here. Be kind to another or in the words of Abraham Lincoln in his speech to San Dimas High School in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, “Be excellent to one another.” Words to live by in a world filled with madness. Words to guide us in a world that tells a false story. Words to remember when we tell our story, the story that differs from the world's, the story of Christ and his great love and forgiveness for us all.