We Don't Say "Hate"

I only had two strict rules when I was a youth minister: 1) Edify 2) We don't say "hate".

You can ask any number of my former youth and they will tell you that I was a stickler when it came to those two rules. My hope was for the youth group and myself to become builders and not destroyers of others. I strongly believe that if a group of teenagers are constantly being taught and shown why we lift one another up and not tear down, strangers who visit will find a safe place where they are encouraged and loved for who they are. Something I think every teenager truly wishes to feel. Of course it didn't always work. I mean they're teenagers and we're adults, we're people and we sometimes use words that tear others down even if we do not mean too so we all are in need of a gentle correction from time to time.

I do not like the word "hate" because it is an extreme. It is the extreme opposite of love. I think it's okay to not be a fan of something (I'm not a fan of Carytown) or not like something (I don't like fried okra) but to use the word hate means you have removed all hope of love. Though I may not be a fan of Carytown, VA and think it's overrated, it does not mean that given time I will never eventually come to see it for the unique place it is. Likewise just because I do not like fried okra, it does not mean that given time I will never eventually try it, even if it made me throw up when I was four.

That's why I try very hard to never say I hate ____. If I hate something or if I use the word hate, I believe I am opening myself to all forms of hate from hating beansprouts to hating dragons to hating people. If I use the extreme opposite of love to describe my feelings for something, I remove any hope of love and any hope of reconciliation.

Silly, I know. I get it. It's just a word, right? It's no big deal

Except it is for me.

Hate has a way of finding its way into our lives through our words and our actions. If I hate the smallest of creation then I have the possibility to hate the biggest of creation. If I say I hate meetings then I open myself up to say I hate you. And the moment I say I hate you I remove all hope of loving you and reconciling with you. You then become my enemy and my hate then becomes something that has no bounds.

You may think it is an extreme interpretation of the word and it is to a degree. Surely if I hate a messy room that doesn't mean I hate the person who keeps it messy? Perhaps not. Perhaps it eventually does. Perhaps the thing that you severely hate eventually becomes what you hate about the person. What if what you hate about the person becomes the reason you hate said person? It is why I cannot say "Love the sinner, hate the sin." because if I hate the sin I will eventually hate the sinner because the two are not separated. If you hate my sin then you hate me because I am the own committing the sin. Forgiveness and love cannot, in my mind, exist in the same structure as hate.

So please forgive me if I correct your tweet or status update or comment and say, "We don't say hate." It's just a part of my strict personal code and an important one for me.