Monday, February 27, 2012

Lenten Journal: Our Greatest Fear

Now who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good? But even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear, and do not be intimidated, but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence. Keep your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who abuse you for your good conduct in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil.

For Christ also suffered for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, in order to bring you to God. He was put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit, in which also he went and made a proclamation to the spirits in prison, who in former times did not obey, when God waited patiently in the days of Noah, during the building of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were saved through water.

And baptism, which this prefigured, now saves you—not as a removal of dirt from the body, but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers made subject to him.
                                                                                                                       1 Peter 3:13-22

“Do not fear what they fear, and do not be intimidated, but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence.”

What is it that you fear the most? What is it that you believe the world fears the most? What is it that you believe America fears the most? If we were honest with ourselves would our fears be similar?

The command not to fear what they fear is strong command. Why would the writer command the readers to not what they fear? Who are “they”?

1 Peter became very popular to the early church because of the verses on suffering and staying true to path. 1 Peter stresses the need to hold fast to the faith no matter the cost. They were not to be afraid of what “they” would do to them. “They” were the Romans.

The beauty of the epistles is we have to make an educated guess as to why the letter is being written. There is a reason behind Paul's letters. If there isn't then he and I need to have conversation about how he spends his time. The writer of 1 Peter, who assume is Peter the apostle writes this letter to a struggling Christian church in the midst of suffering to the point of death. Peter suggests the Church, when confronted to make their defense to anyone who demands from them an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence. Tell them your hope and do so with kindness because they may not understand.

Pliny, the Roman governor of Bithynia, to the emperor Trajan, when asked about the Christians said, “I asked them whether they were Christians, and if they confessed, I asked them a second and a third time with threats of punishment. If they kept to it, I ordered them for execution, for I held no question that whatever it was that they admitted, in any case obstinacy and unbending perversity deserve to be punished.”

A community, exiled and persecuted, given words of hope attributed to a popular apostle, are told they are not to fear what the Romans fear. Do not fear; have hope.

What is it you are afraid of?

I rode my first roller coaster when I was 3. It was a loop d'loop at Six Flags Over Texas called the Shockwave. My dad stuffed newspaper in my shoes so I would be tall enough to ride it after begging to ride it. I learned to ride my bike by crashing it into my yard and jumping off at the last second. I grew tired of the training wheels, had my mom/dad remove them, took my bike to the top of the hill and rode my bike, crashing into my yard.

There was a time I was not afraid.

As the years give way to wisdom, I found myself dealing with fears I never knew. I still fear snakes. I fear losing my job. I fear losing friends over disagreements. I fear I will say something inappropriate. I fear I will get angry and lose my temper. I fear I will be seen as a failure. I fear I won't live up to my potential. I fear losing my wife and son. Small, yet deep fears that have the power to hinder my daily life.

What is that hinders you?

The early church faced great persecution of likes we as Americans, particularly white Americans, will most likely never face, no matter what Rick Santorum thinks. We will not be tied to lamp posts and set on fire to light the streets. We will not be asked to deny our faith or face execution. We do not face the risk of our doors being beaten in or our church set on fire while we worship. We will never see the gladiatorial arena and be used as sport to satisfy a hungry crowd. In some ways it is easy to be a Christian in America; but is our hope as great as the ones who our scriptures speak of?

In many ways our hope gets lost in our fear. If we were honest with one another, deeply honest, we are afraid of the loss of the church. We fear that if our pews are not filled to the brim, the church will cease to exist. We fear that if a certain Christian perspective is not made into law or Christianity made into the official religion, Christianity will cease to exist. We are fearful of being the ones who bring down the church. We are afraid we will anger God so deeply that God abandons us. We are afraid of dying both metaphorical and literal. We fear the goodness of God is not enough. Such fears belong to people without hope.

The apostle tells the Christian people to not fear what others fear because we have hope. If this letter is written by Peter, the disciple who denied Christ, the words carry all the more power. Here is a follower of Christ who did not follow him to the point of death. Unlike Judas, Peter held onto the hope of forgiveness. Peter knows the one who writes the story and he knows the ending of the story has been written. We have the ability to overcome our greatest fears because of our hope in Christ. We do not look upon death as others do. We no longer see it as evil. Instead death has become our friend.

“There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river, too deep to wade through, and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands, and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it, when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure, and Death spoke to them. He was angry that he had been cheated out of three new victims, for travelers usually drowned in the river. But Death was cunning. He pretended to congratulate the three brothers upon their magic, and said that each had earned a prize for being clever enough to evade him.

So, the oldest brother, who was a combative man, asked for a wand more powerful than any in existence. A wand that must always win battles for its owner. A wand worthy of a wizard who had conquered Death. So, Death had crossed to an Elder Tree on the banks of the river, fashioned a wand from a branch that had hung there, and gave it to the oldest brother.

Then the second brother, who was an arrogant man, decided that he wanted to humiliate Death still further, and asked for the power to recall others from Death. So, Death picked up a stone from the riverbank and gave it to the second brother, and told him that the stone would have the power to bring back the dead.

Finally, Death turned to the third brother. A humble man, he asked for something that would enable him to go forth from that place without being followed by Death. And so it was that Death reluctantly handed over his own Cloak of Invisibility.

In due course, the brothers separated, each for his own destination. The first brother traveled for a week or more, and, reaching a distant village, sought out a fellow wizard, with whom he had a quarrel. Naturally with the Elder Wand as his weapon, he could not fail to win the duel that followed. Leaving his enemy dead upon the floor, the oldest brother proceeded to an inn, where he boasted of the powerful wand which he had snatched from Death himself and of how it made him invincible. That very night, another wizard crept upon the oldest brother as he lay wine-sodden upon his bed. The thief took the wand, and, for good measure, slit the oldest brother's throat. And so, Death took the first brother for his own.

Meanwhile, the second brother journeyed to his own home, where he lived alone. Here, he took out the stone which had the power to recall the dead, and turned it thrice in his hand. To his amazement and delight, the figure of the girl he had once hoped to marry, before her untimely death, appeared at once before him. Yet she was sad and cold, separated from him as though by a veil. Though she had returned to the mortal world, she did not truly belong there, and suffered. Finally, the second brother, driven mad by hopeless longing, killed himself, so as to truly join her. And so, Death took the second brother for his own.

But though Death searched for the third brother for many years, he was never able to find him. It was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took of the Cloak of Invisibility, and gave it to his son. And then, he greeted Death as an old friend, went with him gladly, and, as equals, they departed this life.”

Things of this world come and go. Empires will rise and fall. Loved ones will be born and loved ones will pass away. Such change hurts. The loss of a child, a mother, a father, a grandparent, a friend, a husband, or a wife, cuts us deep to the core, and in the moment we see death as evil. There was a time when death was evil; yet the psalmist believed that even in death God was there. There was a time when we could fear death but now death has become our friend. Our hope in Christ is that when death comes, we will be greeted as old friends and go with him gladly and depart this life as equals.

That is the hope we hold onto on this Lenten journey.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lenten Journal: Fear of Replacement

I rode my first roller coaster when I was 3. It was a loop d'loop at Six Flags Over Texas and the roller coaster was called the Shockwave. My dad stuffed newspaper in my shoes so I could be tall enough to ride it after begging to ride it.

I learned to ride my bike by crashing it into my yard and jumping off at the last second. I grew tired of the training wheels, had my mom/dad remove them, took my bike to the top of the hill and rode my bike, crashing into my yard.

There was a time I was not afraid.

As years go by and age gives way to security or wisdom, I find myself afraid. As I reflect on my fear, I have discovered my fear was with death. Not an eternal fear. I am at complete peace at what may take place on the otherside. It is the fear of being replaced

We build ourselves up to believe we're irreplaceable. In some circles we may not be as replaceable as we are in other circles; yet we are replaceable. If I were to die tomorrow, eventually I would be replaced. The church would find a new pastor, Lacy would find a new husband, Connor a new dad, my friends would find new friends, my in-laws would find a new son-in-law, my parents would shift their focus to Connor and my brother. Over time, my name will be forgotten.

On the surface one may see that as devaluing the self or self worth. I choose to see it as the truth. From dust I come and to dust I shall return.

What is it I am to learn/discover this Lenten season? I am not entirely sure. Perhaps though it starts with the admittance of a hidden fear.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Deepen Lostness

(I was asked by a friend to write a 50 word or more devotion for Lent on what I do to deepen my relationship with God. Below is what came out as I wrote with honesty)

I struggle in my relationship with God. It's as much as a relationship as one can have with a Being that one never sees and the conversation often one sided. It's like sending a tweet out to Nathan Fillon and wondering if he's going to tweet back.

Truthfully, it's not the lack of communication I struggle with but the realism of the communication. If God sees my innermost being as the psalmist writes, then God sees my true self, and if God sees my true self and I do not, how do I live in relationship with someone whose expectations I may not live up too? How do I deepen such a relationship?

I really do not have an answer. I'm sure you're formulating one in your head. It is what we've been taught to do. We've been taught to fix people. Perhaps that is why it is hard for me to put into words how I deepen my relationship. I am not looking to be fixed. I am looking to be heard. I am desperately longing to know that my insignificant story matters to someone besides me. Isn't that what we all long for?

If who I am and who God sees are not the same, my relationship strengthens as I search my true self but my relationship deepens when I rest in the failure of myself.

There is no formula for my spiritual journey but I feel it deepen with each bruise I receive from a fall. I feel it deepen as I pick myself up. I feel it deepen with each tear of my jeans. I feel it deepen with each dark cloud I fight through just for a glimpse of the sun. It deepens in my own way; a way that I lose myself in order to be found.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Grieving a Lost Vision

Almost a year ago, I sat in room with 11 others at a visioning retreat. It was to be the accumulation of 18 months of prayer and discernment. We were tasked with writing the future story of our church. As we sat in front of a blank whiteboard, I started to hear words that warmed my soul. I heard words such as “healing”, “wholeness”, “sanctuary”, words that held a great sense of meaning and redemption in them. Words that I thought would make the church into a great place for hurting people in need of reconciliation and love.

I left that retreat with a great sense of hope. Finally, we had a vision that was going to be worth the pain it was going to take to make the vision a reality. A few weeks later, a letter was sent out blasting the vision and the future of the church. In the letter I could tell that all the hope I had felt just a few weeks before was not going to be for this church. I knew as soon as I read the letter my time was coming to an end because I couldn't go back.

I have not really dealt with all that went on. I never confronted the people who gave into their fear. I never said how wrong they were and how much I pittied them. Nor have I told them that I forgive them. I left because I was called to go; yet I did not realize that I had not grieved for the lost vision. I realize I have not grieved leaving a place that was my home for so many years. I realize now it is time to leave that place behind but I do not need to leave the vision behind.

It is not often I can claim that a vision was ever as full of the spirit as this one was. It affirmed my call in ministry and a vision I could not fully put into words until that Saturday. The vision, I now understand, was not a vision that belonged solely to the church; instead it was a vision that had the freedom to move and change when it was denied.

I understand now that I do not grieve for a lost vision; I grieve for a lost church that gave into fear. The vision has not been lost. The vision has been given new life within a new church. Time to close the last chapter and start writing this one.