Broken Bread and the Poured Out Self

In the summer of ’95, at youth camp in Falls Creek, Oklahoma, I had a vision. Every year at this camp, on the last full day of camp, they would hold a race. For years it had been about a mile and a half run but this particular summer they changed it to a 5k. Now, I was 15 and had won several races in middle school including running a 5:15 mile that year at the 8^th grade district track meet, but I never ran longer than 2 miles. The race began and off we went through the mountains of Southern Oklahoma.

At the second mile I felt a voice telling me I was to quit football and be a runner. Now, the voice startled me because I was raised in a proper Texas Christian household with a coach as a dad. I figured I must have heard wrong or wasn’t really hearing God, because God would not tell a Texas boy to quit football and run track. My dad concurred with me so I ignored the voice.

It worked out for the best that year as I was still growing into my body and my joints weren’t exactly adjusted and I couldn’t run without my body breaking down. So I played football like a good Texas boy until the following year. Then I rebelled, quit football, went straight cross-country and track, won that race at Falls Creek the next three summers in a row, went to college on a scholarship, and earned my degree. I learned rather quickly I followed the right vision even though it took me a year to give in.

The writer of the Gospel of John had a vision as well. His vision was the pouring out of God’s word over the people of Israel. The vision of John’s gospel is the breaking of bread and the pouring of God’s self in Jesus. John believed that the Word was in the beginning, was with God and is God. For John, the Word of God is not a book that sits on our bookshelves or tables collecting dust. The Word of God is the flesh and blood Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us. It’s not hard to believe then that Peter would believe the same thing, thus his vision in his letter is that of a people who are born anew, not of perishable seeds such as money, but of imperishable seed, through the living and enduring Word of God, Jesus.

Since we are currently exploring a vision for our church, I would like to share with you my personal vision, one that is the foundation of my ministry and I would like share a few stories.

A few years ago I sat in room with eleven others at a visioning retreat. It was to be the accumulation of 18 months of prayer and discernment for our church, and we were tasked with writing the future story of our church. As we sat in front of a blank whiteboard, I started to hear words that warmed my soul. I heard words such as “healing”, “wholeness”, “sanctuary”, words that held a great sense of meaning and redemption in them. Words that I thought would make the church into a great place for the hurting, the lost, the poor, the young, the old, the outcast, the broken, the hungry, the thirsty, the naked, the sick, the victim of abuse, the offenders, the addicts; people in need of reconciliation and God’s infinite, abiding love through Jesus.

It’s a lofty vision and I left that retreat with a great sense of hope. Finally, we had a vision that was going to be worth the pain it was going to take to make the vision a reality. A few weeks later, a letter was sent out blasting the vision and the future of the church. In the letter I could tell that all the hope I had felt just a few weeks before was not going to be for that church. I knew as soon as I read the letter my time was coming to an end because I couldn't go back. Since then that vision became my personal vision of ministry. It is the pouring out of the self of others so that they may come to know Jesus in fullness and made whole in every way.

You see, I believe with all my heart that the Gospel message is seen best by the pouring out of God’s people. We see the Gospel come to life through God pouring out, God with us, in Jesus. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus pours out his spirit on his disciples. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus pours out his compassionate healing and miracles. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus breaks the bread and the pours the cup. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus’ body is broken and his blood poured out. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus dies upon the cross. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus gets up early three days later and walks out of the tomb. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus pours out his spirit onto Mary and Mary, comforting them and telling them to go and tell the others. We see the Gospel come to life as Jesus is recognized by his disciples when breaks the bread and feeds them. We see the Gospel come to life when he appears to Thomas and says, “See my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.” The Gospel comes to life only when it is poured out for others.

The writer of 1^st Peter compels his audience to know they have snatched from their traditional, futile ways, not with perishable items like money and jewelry but they pouring out Christ himself. The writer compels his audience to know since they are now followers of Christ, they have been born anew. He remind us readers of Jesus telling Nicodemus that one must be born again. Peter holds to the belief that those who follow Jesus have been born of the Spirit, born from above. Those who follow Jesus are not born of this world but are children of the Movement, of the Kingdom. Those who follow Jesus are to pour themselves out so others may be filled with the hope, peace, joy, and love of Christ.

I was working on an article I had due for a class last March and I came across a story that made me think of what Peter is getting at.

Once upon a time, there was a priest named Malcolm who worked in a parish that developed a particular ministry to rehabilitate young offenders which included a furniture resource center, which took old furniture and restored it and made available to any in need. One of those offenders was a teenager named Paul. Paul was 15 years old with a history of misusing drugs. He supported his drug habit by breaking and entering homes and stealing valuables that he could pawn off. During his ministry, Malcolm came to know a woman named Kristel.

Kristel lived with her young daughter in a house down from the church. She too had a drug problem and financed by bringing men back to her house at night while her daughter was asleep. When Malcolm came to visit her, he discovered there was no furniture in the house, except a lone mattress. Everything else had been sold to pay her pimp. Malcolm thought she could benefit from the furniture resource center.

The day came when Paul and Malcolm filled the truck with tables, chairs, cupboards, chests of drawers, and wardrobes, along with toys, games, and books for the little girl. They arrived at Kristel's home and knocked. No answer. No Kristel and no little girl. Having no idea what happened to them or where they were, Paul had an idea. “Tell you what,” he said, “how about if we just take all the stuff in anyway—she'll get a surprise when she walks in!” It took Malcolm a little while to understand what Paul was suggesting. “You mean, break into the house?” but as soon as he said it, he recalled that a mere lock was no obstacle for Paul. In no time they were in the house, and the furniture was all off the truck, the toys all over the floor.

Then Kristel came home. She saw the opened door and ran into the house, shocked and terrified. She saw Malcolm and burst into tears. “I can explain--” he said but quickly realized that the tears of horror had turned to tears of joy. Her little girl had toys and books. She herself had comfortable chairs and a place to eat and talk and relax. Malcolm was thrilled to see her joy and then he saw Paul. Paul was crying too, but for a different reason. He'd never made someone happy before. He knew how to break into houses and knew that he had broken hearts and lives by doing so. Now he had broken into someone's house, into someone's life, and for the first time brought joy not tragedy, hope not despair. His new life had begun.” (Wells, Samuel. Improvisation p.148-149).

The purpose of the Christian life is not to exclude others from the table of Christ. The purpose is to make room for them at the table. Peter knows a thing or two or three about being excluded from the table of Christ. You may recall it was Peter who was the first disciple to confess Jesus as the messiah. He immediately followed it up by getting on to Jesus for talking about his upcoming death. You may recall it was Peter, sitting near Jesus, who said, “I will never leave you, even if others run away with their tales between their legs. I will never leave you.” You may recall Jesus saying, “Peter, I tell you the truth. Before the rooster crows, you will say you never knew me three times.” You may recall Peter gets angry and declares that he will never disown Jesus publically. You may recall Peter claims to not know who Jesus is three times before the rooster crowed.

You may not recall the humiliation and hurt Peter felt inside knowing he did exactly what Jesus said he would do. Peter must have felt like Judas. The pain setting in as he realizes he has sinned against his Lord, against his friend. While Judas was overcome by his guilt that he could no longer believe in God’s mercy, and hung himself, Peter returns to the Lord with mourning. You then may recall Peter ran to the tomb, being the first to step inside and find it empty. You may recall Peter swimming to shore when he discovers Jesus waiting for him with a fire and breakfast. You may recall Jesus asking Peter, “Do you love me? Feed my sheep” three times as the sun came up. You may recall that tradition says as Roman soldiers under the order of Emperor Nero nailed Peter to a cross, he told them he was unworthy to die in the same manner as his Lord. The soldiers turn his cross upside down. You may recall that tradition says it took Peter three days to die.

St. Laurence was a deacon of the church in Rome in the third century, during the persecution of the Christians by Emperor Decius. The Roman magistrate ordered Laurence to bring into the church all its riches. Instead of resisting violently or falling victim to the vicious cycles of alienation, Laurence turns the other cheek by asking for three days to consider what the riches of the church were. On the third day, Laurence invited the magistrate back to the church. As the magistrate walked in he was not treated to mountains of gold and silver, but to a sanctuary filled the poor, the lame, the orphans, the widows, and said, “These are the riches of the Church” (Wells, p.146-147).

Peter, St. Laurence, Paul, and others in our past, and our present understood, first hand, the purpose the Church. It was not to exclude others from membership or exclude others from his table. The purpose of the Church to was go out to the ends of the earth and bring people, from all over, to Christ’s table. The purpose of the Church is to feed a broken world. What feeds a broken world? Exactly what Jesus feed those around him, broken bread and a poured out self.